I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
