I want to stick my p in your. b.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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