I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
