I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
