I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
