Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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