I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
