Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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