I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
