I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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