Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
