maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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