Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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