It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
