I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
