May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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