doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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