No stitches, just platelets and will power
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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