hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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