im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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