Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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