You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
