I just threw up on my dentist
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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