is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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