I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
