windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
