Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
