I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
