From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
