its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
