I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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