So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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