I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
