Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
