He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
