I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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