Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
