Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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