I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
