you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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