i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
