I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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