they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
