I wannas sexs uuuuu
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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