when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
