I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
