He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
