she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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