I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
