Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
