don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
