...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What a dumb baby whore.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
