The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
