so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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