pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
