There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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