And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
